The panties match.
I'll be right there.
For some reason I have a hard time believing getting drunk and recreating a movie about singing transvestites is ever very far from a situation you're in.
I call BS on that! THAT WAS TOTALLY AN INTERCEPTION. JENNINGS HAD THAT.
PEOPLE ARE FLIPPING FURNITURE HERE. IN THE ROOM ABOVE ME. I HEARD SOMEONE WOOKIE CALL IN ANGER FROM SOMEWHERE IN THIS BUILDING.
I'd be lying if I said I wasn't scared, even a little.
You kept going up to guys in plaid and screaming "are you a lumberjack" in their faces
TOUCH YOURSELF. DO IT.
I don't think that's how you're supposed to sext
Just to let you know... If you ever want to get me a gift, the One Direction perfume comes out soon....... It's called Our Moment. It's an appropriate gift for a 25 year old woman.
Could we try to replay the decision making process whereby only you and I bought and drank a keg this weekend? Because there were some fundamental flaws!
That pizza at 1 am literally tasted like I was eating an angel
I told two kids in their homecoming outfits to use a condom because of Ebola. I may have saved a life last night
I stole an accordion from the bar
Accidentally
I'm having ragrets about stealing the accordion
That's not the problem. The problem is I thought I was over him but he smells nice today.
You sealing the pinky promise with a shot was much better than just kissing it
I'M SO HIGH I FORGOT HOW TO EAT A STRAWBERRY. A FUCKING STRAWBERRY.
I'm about to take plan-b with a glass of wine and ramen noodles. I cannot decide who will hurt more...my vagina, my kidneys or my pride.
Next time I think it’s a good idea to hook up with any of your wife’s family members or friends just kick me in my dick
Randomize
