Its not alright that i make out with a manican.
The mall is playing a fucking country mix of lady marmalade.
welcome to maine.
Is it bad that Pitbull has taught me more Spanish than high school did?
you should buy a sheep. A) you get an awesome pet. B) free coat
she makes me feel like im THAT guy in the taylor swift song
I mean. If you don't have time I understand, but my dick doesn't.
Yea, you were talking about how you did not want to be a reindeer for at least 5 minutes.
i looked down and was like "oh shit thats blood" then it was like "shit, thats not my blood." then it was like whos blood is this??
THEY NOW HAVE MIXED DRINK EMOJIS! LIFE IS GOOD! PRINCESSES DON'T DRINK BEER
Walking towards a police car with full spotlights on you while being fully erect..awkward exp. for both parties
He sent me a flaccid dick pic from the bathroom at the bar and he said I'm sorry it's not all hard and good looking. Props to him - I did ask for a pic.
He sent me a website link to GIF on Snapchat. I don’t think he understands how Social Media works.
When you wake up and wonder why your bleeding and it feels like you jumped into a ceiling fan, dont worry. Ill explain it all when I wake up.
You call it sex. I call it penis conditioning.
Unexpected pussy is the best kind. Never expected to get any from a stranger at my little brother's bar mitzvah.
Mazeltov!
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