and my loofah got caught on my nipple ring in the shower today. what an awful experience.
My rats are drinking wine. I am drinking with rats. God i am so alone.
i think i had to give the cab driver my id to get home last night because i couldnt talk.
You should know me better than that. I don't whore around. I promise this is a blowjobs only kind of trip.
I started sorting laundry at 6 am. He finally got the hint and left
So are you still down for me to come stay with you and just have sex on vicodin all weekend?
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Just watched my roommate stuff a sandwich in his pocket because we're out of paper plates.
I feel like death crawled up inside me and died. That sick
I heard them banging and it sounded like he was trying to stuff a fucking coconut into her
He managed to find a wheel chair and a super mario hat, now hes rolling around screaming "real life mario kart!"
YOU TRIED TO SWIM IN HER FISHTANK. I don't think she's going to call you.
He sent me nudes and I told him he reminded me of Buffalo Bill.
Just remember: We don't tell our English professor about our fetishes unless she specifically asks about them.
In my life time, I want nothing more than to get a blow job while watching Space Jam.
Don't drink and try to take a shower. I thought I was drowning
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