i'm trying to reconcile what i did last night with who i am as a person.
Anyone who says sunshine brings happyness has never woken up with the worst hangover of their life to their window being open and it being a bright shinny day
It sucks..Now I'm depressed because appearence wise, she's the closest to my favorite pornstar I'll ever get..
so there is either a lot of blood or a lot of wine in the shower....
At what point in your drunken state would you actually believe that the cops wanted to party with you?
It's official, no more fat chicks or even close to that, my balls are 2 dimentional
Did I mention I should never take 5 Xanax and drink?
I sort of figured that out when I found you sitting on the roof of your house saying we could get in through the skylight while I called the locksmith.
I walked in her room to find her rubbing lotion on her face high as fuck.
I mean, you've seen me eat pizza, sober, out of a garbage can, and yet I refuse to go eat at that place. Just sayin....
What did you two do last night and why did Sam send me a picture of your dick?
I'm serious-it was like trying to deep-throat a minivan.
Tent sex on an air mattress requires balance and flexibility. Not for the faint of heart
Currently rolling a blunt in the bathroom of Planned Parenthood
Sorry, was sleeping. I heard a rumor that I had a hangover, so I just went with it...
You came in, yelled 'i am from the future' then puked all over the floor
Randomize
