Riding a fattie is like riding a scooter, its ok just not in public.
She acts like you when your on meds
She acts like batman?
So as she is about to take the walk of shame she flips out. Apparently someone left a brown present in her shoes.
I feel like dying is the new "adopt an african baby"
I can't believe i facilitated a beer for sweater vest deal last night...
She said I walked up to the McDonalds counter and ordered just a cup full of pickles then proceeded to offer some to everyone in the place.
Yeah got a self inflicted broken nose.
We somehow managed to get the sumo-wrestler costume into the washing machine, but I don't think the cupcake icing completely came off... And it still smells like tequila.
Didn't get carded at the bar. We're getting wasted and then walking over to Bass Pro Shops to watch the indoor ducks swim around. And possibly buying a tent.
You're about to makeout with my vagina, I don't think she cares that you haven't brushed your teeth. Just get over here!
It's the happiest looking penis I've ever seen. It should have a top hat and a spectacle on and soft shoe across the room with a cane. He's a cheery little feller.
Oh my god, are you sexting me while watching the Democratic debate.
100%
Now I'll never know if it was me that got you worked up, or Bernie Sanders' social policies.
He also needs to focus on not being such a little bitch, but that's none of my business.
Joke’s on you. I got to talk to a furry about why nukes are bad and why musicals are good.
Dude, the worst part is I can't even pretend it didn't happen because she posted a video of it on Facebook.
Randomize
