He's on drugs...like drugs for horses.
what is TOTES MCGOATS in spanish?
In the middle of fucking me, she said "Hold on, I need my Hulk hands."
You came back with four clearly unattractive women and wanted to throw a dance party in my room.
Finished watching the entire first season of mighty morphing power rangers. Now I have nothing. Not even a life.
Just come get me. Somewhere there's hobo that's going to want his dumpster back, and I kinda want to be gone when he discovers the vomit.
i feel like i should invite him over so he can cockblock my roommate one last time before he graduates. for old times sake, ya know
Don't worry, the house smells like waffles more than sex
OH FOR FUCKS SAKE! SOMEONE TOOK ME FOR A GODDAMN PROSTITUTE!! IM WEARING LEG WARMERS!!! THAT IS LIKE THE LEAST HOOKERISH THING TO WEAR!
Oh hey. I left my beer there. Beer is more important than my pride. I want to pick that up.
Do you have any puffy paint? I want to put "fiesta muthafuckas" on my sombrero but its too much to bedazzle.
Cuz I feel like I ate the whole candy isle at 7/11 last night and chased it with rum
You pretty much did tho
Wanna meet at the diner for breakfast? all I've eaten in the past 24 hours is glitter and penis. starvingg.
I just made deviled eggs for everyone not passed out. Im officially becoming a drunk chef.
I just sent a Slack that autocorrected tomorrow to gonorrhoea. Please note that Slack autocorrect isn’t very good.
Randomize
