but really, i care about skinny girls as much as michael vick cares about rotweilers
My mom asked what the mark on my neck was - I told her I burned it with a straightener.
She believed that the monsterous hickey on your neck was a burn?
well, not really. but then i reminded her that my sister has yet to take that pregnancy test and she conviniently forgot about my hickey
I'm going to get so drunk tonight, I actually feel bad about the 30 seconds of drunken awkward sex I'm going to have with one lucky fat chick.
Can you bring me a pair of sunglasses to the bathroom please... Don't judge me.
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I'll see ya tonight at your house...and I'm bringing you a special treat that starts with a V and ends with us eventually going to rehab one day.
Have you asked your drug dealer if he wants to see harry potter with you?
It's a gateway drink.... Starts with wine... Then I wake up in my car with mascara on my arms covered in french fries...
I'm the brains and you're the boobs of this operation.
If he tries to stick his thumb up my butt again im going to rip his dick off with my vagina
I told you those kegels would come in handy one day
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Serious questions. Who is that girl? Why is she wearing a tiara? And why does she keep asking about penis piercings?
"I'm in the bathroom. Only place I can sit and relax without that girl trying to give me a lap dance."
what the hell is that chicken wire thing she's holding?
An artistic expression of her stupidity.
But I've also made plans to crash a black tie event wearing a storm trooper helmet. I think I've found the love of my life..
Would you by any chance know if there is a proper protocol for traveling with one's vibrator? I wouldn't want the TSA to rip open my suitcase in front of my boss.
you're not celebrating your 21st birthday right unless you give a male stripper a hand job, flash the bartender, and win a free vibrator.
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