Make note: the first date is too soon to make the "condoms are only for making balloon animals" joke.
Hmmm just stalked him and according to his facebook he wants "whatever he can get." obviously he'd be open to the idea.
You sprayed lysol all over me. You said that my soberness was infecting your night.
I don't know what possessed you to do that, but you have to give the stripper more money before you try to check her oil or they are going to throw us out every time you do that.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm afraid you are becoming too bourgeois with your switch from boxed wine to bottled.
4 people stoned, 3 boys I've slept with, 2 I gave chlamydia, and a partridge in a pear treeeeee
How festive
Were you drinking last night?
Because typically I don't associate the phrase 'Go sleepy time' with sobriety.
Best feeling in the world is getting a random boob pic from a drunk chick at 3 am.
Sorry brah. Drastic times called for drastic measures and I had to go home and bang a cougar.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm alittle affraid you might be dead, seeing how your work party is in an hour and you haven't answered me? I mean I'm picturing you 1. Passed out in your car covered in fries or 2. On a boat in a box to Mexico covered in coke. Please let it be number 1. And aren't we going to your work party?
I'm going to need a penis the size of a bat
How do you tell a vegan you want him to stuff you like a turkey?
How did i get home and why am i wearing someone elses shorts?
1. Not sure how 2. You showed up naked, we had to dress you.
Actually, my eyes didn't start bleeding until the next day. So it was a pretty awesome night overall.
OH GOD IT TASTES LIKE IT SMELLS
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