i make out with random ppl when i drink he shouldnt feel special
he told me he once ran a blackmarket liquor store out of his house. thats all it took for me to go home with him
She can't really be mad at me. I made you two sisters... Dick sisters.
You are forgiven. I sent you a picture of a pumpkin man as a gesture of reconciliation.
I literally just wiped coffee off of the corner of my mouth with my boob because my hands were full. Thought youd be proud. Good morning!
We can just keep having sex until one of us finds someone we actually like
ugh... fuck pirate breakfast. my head is like thirsty.
Opted for cash back rather than the 10% extra I'd get for store credit, solely for drinks tonight.
You're lovely.
I wound up running down the street in 12 degree weather in just my bra and then fell asleep cuddling my bottle. You tell me how last night went.
I will have you know I turned Latino David Arquette down for sex because he's married. Total. Moral. Victory.
Flo's in town, ain't she.
Where is Holly?
Nevermind. i can hear her having sex two doors down
One minute we're singing Wagon Wheel, and the next you're belly dancing in a trash bag on the beer pong table
Just remembered sticking my head out the window as i drove us to walmart and yelling that i was a golden retriever.
Also, sorry for verbally assaulting you when you asked if you could dump the bowl.
She told me the next morning I stared at her tits for like 15 minutes with binoculars from only a few seats away.
you were peeing in her backyard and some dude came outside and looked at you and was like "thats not a pee spot" and you said "well it is now" then i joined you. Forever poppin squats <3
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