Dude, hurry and get over. I need a wingman. She is on her 6th vodka shot and her resident ugly friend is still sober
you missed a midterm to shack? WOW. How desperate are you?
The Rock is playing the tooth fairy. I can't believe I used to smell what that man was cooking
If I had known I was gonna take my tights off and throw them over the balcony I would have shaved my legs.
I just made easy mac in my blender. Beat that.
Is it weird that I want your dad to go down on me?
a search helicopter?!
please just be careful, i just switched my facebook status to "in a relationship", i would look really pathetic if i had to change it back to "single" already
I don't care what he thinks. My vagina has an open door policy.
I have family pictures in an hour and a half and I'm 9 beers deep. This is how I get written out of my grandparents will...
I literally got so drunk last night, I texted myself "porpoises" and that was it. I have no recollection of this.
He didn't even realize I was drunk. He probably just thought I loved Torchwood so much that I no longer knew how to use my thumbs
COKE WAS NOT ON THE ITINERARY FOR TONIGHT.
seriously considering getting an electric blanket rather than sleeping with guys this winter for warmth.
So I'm buying milk, bread, yogurt & lube. Not awkward at all
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