Well listen chief - never again do i want the scenario of going to the ER totally naked and partially drunk to b a possibility.
Omg. I just woke up in a room full of naked people
can you pick up canola oil? she lives by wegmans
who is canola oil?
you're an idiot.
You know ure stoned when u start thinking about making a bacon smoothie
what did you hear about me?
that you are a very nice girl and a pleasure to be around
that was hard to say and not laugh
You came in as I got off work, ordered us jack and cokes. Put them on my tab, and then proceeded to fall asleep on the bar.
Did you guys seriously let me trade my id for a kebab last night??
It feels like you stuck your dick in a fire and then branded the inside of me.
i was really hopeful that i could make it to the end of the semester without doing something stupid enough to destroy our relationship but i guess i was wrong..........thanks vodka
you start one little fire by the lake and the police want to talk to you all night...
And I might have stolen a bag of Doritos out of Matt's car and hid them in my bag and gave individual chips out to people dancing, trying to convince people they were mini tacos.. Like why Am I allowed to be an adult
Guess who just hooked up with a guy who was wearing a shirt from his mom's "dress up closet"?!
He came over and fucked me while my conference call was on mute. Working from home is the best.
With my son watching me, I pulled down my pants and shit in her trash can.
You know it was a good night when you wake up w/o a shirt in someone elses living room next to a pancake on a spoon in a bowl of spaghetti.
Randomize
