Busta Rhymes just yelled at me! He cut a song off and I was clapping and he looked right at me and said "don't fucking clap." I was that white guy.
it's not cheating when I paid for it
My hand is eating my burrito and not saving any for my mouth. TRIPPPPPPPPPPPPPPINN!
She set an alarm on my phone for her birthday. Place: Her bed.
The fairy wings and cowboy hats were not the issue. The bag of cocaine that I held in the air as we drove in the parade might have been.
Your last day of twenties? OK. Then I'll give you til midnight. Then you turn into a pumpkin. A big, 30 year old pumpkin.
What changed your mind?
Being sober
Just told some little girl not to judge me as I brushed my teeth in the target bathroom
You puked on yourself, then demanded to take shower. In which you kept saying "its raining"
You've seen the quality of dick pics I normally get. The bar is high.
I still think it's strange your mom saw me 93% naked with a Santa hat on and a raging boner. Tis the season right?
You had to dry your pants with the hand dryer in the bathroom because you "forgot to take it out."
What the hell do you do when your fuck buddy leaves to go for a piss naked and 20 minutes later hasn't come back and can't be found anywhere in the house or outside but has left his phone, tee shirt and shoes in your bedroom.
I don't think there is a pre defined social etiquette for a lost naked fuck buddy now roaming the streets.
All I remember is being in the middle of the road puking and my bestfriend cheering me on from the passenger seat...
This pandemic, it’s making everyone horny. I’ve got dick stashed all over town
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