you spent the like half the night trying to figure out the puzzles on the back of the captn crunch box
I just took a shower and I feel like 20 pounds of sex just came off of me.
I can't wait for paintbang. I'm going to throw a marker at a child. There will be bail money in my backpack in m trunk. Don't use it on beer.
I'm more of a 'talk at me while I stare at you' kinda girl.
I can't promise that. They just put an extra shot in my margarita.
If you take a post shower shit just get back in bed. You're better off starting your whole morning all over again.
Please ask me to tell you about the time I watched two of my friends chase my drunk roommate with a broken foot around downtown
Gotta get new sheets. ..I fucked the satin off mine.
My mom sucked on that joint like a nipple and she was a fucking newborn
You know what the worst feeling in the world is? Sitting in your 6pm AA meeting still hungover from the night before
It's 1:26 and I have already found 5 fruit flies between 3 separate glasses of wine. This is supposed to be a summer problem. Fucking global warming.
The fact I have to evaluate my choice between tequila and fruity pebbles is a clear image of my life right now
tell your brother to quit sending me his dick pics what am i going to do with them print them out and shove them up my ass???
I just hooked up with a one legged Australian guy. Hooray diversity!
I have to sleep with him. We're too much alike. It's like clash of the titans, except instead of clashing, he's putting it in me.
Randomize
