Today should be called shooting fish in a barrel day. Every place ive gone to ive met a girl who regrets not hooking up last night. There have not been girls this easy since Fathers Day
You tried telling the RA that girl you brought home was your mom...
Have introduced beer-pong to my work's Tuesday lunches.
She looked at it and said "your dick is like the golden gate bridge."
this may be my drink champagne alone in a bbaby pool in the dark night
Just started taking liver support pills. Welcome to Senior year.
I called him daddy. To his face. Somewhat sober. What more could I do?
I don't even know what beauty is right now. I wouldn't even pity fuck me today.
just found out they live across the street from coke dealers... rethinking the new years resolution
Bad breakup?
He posted a pic of me fully naked and smiling as he inserted a carrot into my vagina as my FB profile pic and then changed the PW, locking me out of my own account. So 500 of my closest friends, family, and coworkers now have that mental image of me on FB.
AND I JUST GOT FUCKING DAUGHTER ZONED. NO. I'M DONE. I HATE BOYS. ASEXUALITY HERE I COME.
Mike showed up naked and in handcuffs. Again. Feel free to come over and laugh because I'm not helping this time.
it's pizza time hurry your sexcapades
I don't want to inconvenience you with my dick\n\n
ARE YOU FUCKING KIDDING ME! I SAID I WANTED SOMEONE CLASSY AND INSTEAD YOU SET ME UP WITH A GUY THAT JUST TOLD ME HIS FAVORITE PLACE TO FUCK IS ON HIS SWAMPBOAT “THE SLAMHOG!”
I DON’T WANT TO FUCK IN A SWAMP
First of all, his AIR boat is named “Slam Hog” not “The Slamhog.” Second, it’s top of the line. Third, don’t dismiss swamp sex before you try it!
Randomize
