What can i say im a girl who smells like weiners.
making cat noises will not fix the situation.
both the worst and best vomit ever... it was extra chunky and thick cause of the sausage... but it also tasted like delicious sausage... also cause of the sausage
Stripper told me "sorry i'm not squezing my tits in your face much, I just had a kid and don't want to squirt you in the eye with milk. " in the middle of my lap dance
We are gonna be 90 years old in wheelchairs at the nursing home sitting at computers poking each other and waiting for the other to die so we will have the last facebook poke.
In hindsight buying the pill crusher with my vicodin prescription might have been too much.
My mom just admitted you were a good looking kid & if you weren't my friend & 30 years older she would do you. I'm going to commit suicide.
I don't have any money, so I'm just gonna press my boobs against him for his birthday.
New wedding record, my shirt was off by 8pm!!!
Nothing ends a night of heavy drinking better than banging to three six mafia in your own driveway
So he got the TA job but i told him its not official until we have a quickie on his desk. He offered to break into his office. He doesnt start until this fall.
I don't know what part of my sober brain thought it was a good idea to get stoned when I can barely walk with crutches as it is, but that part is stupid.
Well that's disappointing. I guess I'll give a lesson on dick-breaking another time then
I'm making a will, in it I'm leaving you my skull.
Must be why he thought choking was foreplay. Like WTF? No.
Randomize
