if it walks like a guido and talks like a guido, i'm gonna fuck it.
i just woke up to a text from him apologizing for making me eat a full lemon
he just asked if we wanted to go to an arts and crats club with him tomorrow. every day it becomes harder for me to defend his sexuality
Aww. I feel like I need to kill a puppy just to make room in the world for how cute you are right now
Just proved I could salsa dance in a bar where no one was dancing
Sidenote...no idea how to salsa
hey, being drunk and dumb is my thing. Don't take that away from me.
He stood me up and then his cat died. I feel like this is Gods way of saying he's on my side, even after the tequila fiasco.
And your boyfriend doesn't mind you constantly taking pictures of his dick just to freak out your brother?
its more like he's accepted that he can't stop me
Getting drunk at 9 am is not a super power.
But what we lack in money, we make up for in dry humor and drugs
That is priceless. You walk into her house, fuck her husband and demand Chinese food. Your an inspiration to us all.
I threw up in the middle of a bar last night and still managed to get laid! Happy thanksgiving!
And then I was like pick your blow job song and he choose the sonic the hedgehog theme song. If he's not the one no one is.
My mom said "I saw the signs you guys were high, so I made the spaghetti"....so ya, I'd say she definitely knew
Highlight of the day: got a bunch of drunks to sing baby shark.
Randomize
