omg omg i just fucked paul. i need to stop doing this kind of thing.
wait, who's paul?
exactly.
did you know you can prarie-dog a fart??
Pregnancy confirmed. Complete emotional instability achieved. I just cried through 95% of Avatar.
the only human I can compare her to is rosie o'donnell.
Just when I think I'm the one with the problem, I get home for the holidays and the family shows me what alcoholism is really about
He is juggling broken glass botttles, I think its time to cut him off...
Does it count if I'm only ambidextrous while masturbating?
He tried eating fireworks, to stop him being hungover in the morning. Where do you keep finding these people?!
I am significantly less than sober now. Gonna make like, ten hotdogs.
Overheard-"sex" and "giblet gravy" in the same sentence. Best thanksgiving ever.
I'm daydrinking whiskey in a princess hat
I know it's anime porn but I promise you the guy looks like Fred Durst
You started pulling out condoms from your fanny pack and threw them at all the couples on the beach
...hi
YOU SHOULD BE ASHAMED OF YOURSELF
Ok cool I was afraid you'd never speak to me again. I can work with this.
Omg. I checked my purse this morning and I'm pretty sure drunk me stole a frat guys tube of crest 3d white toothpaste. Like that's pretty fucked up but I think if I knew someone did that to me I'd probably still invite them over again cuz I'd be like, "this girl's creative, and has good hygiene."
Randomize
