Stars make me really horny. Especially that shiny one its just staring at me.
it's one of those mornings where you are proud of yourself just for waking up.
Now there are two cop cars. If I go to jail I just would like to thank you for making me wear boxers.
You better drive. If I decide to let them talk me into a 3-way, I don't want you to be stranded.
He didn't seem too mad about the puke on the side of his car. You still have a chance.
I vote intervention dinner around 6, make up movie around 7:30ish, then apology drinks all night. Then hangover waffle house in the morning.
Literally been drinking for 10 hours. Hammered. Roasted chestnuts fell out of my shirt earlier.
handjobs have no place on a baseball diamond
I had to brake up with him.
In my experience drinking helps.
You dont want to know why?
Not really. I want to drink.
Vodka shot parachutes
Fucking utilizing a thrid story dorm room
Oh, and i love you too. Im just a selfish dick who had to talk about myself first
You just kept looking down at your tits and screaming "I LOVE YOU TWO!!!"
I think you'll appreciate my way of waking up today: Under my cubicle, boxed in by boxes of printer paper, and hung over. I don't even know how the fuck I got in here in the middle of the night. I went to my car and fell back asleep. I'm now 2 1/2 hours late.
I'm about to go get lunchables and alcohol. Take that adulthood
My psychiatrist just sent me a dick pic
Randomize
