I just called a phone sex line and you know what I did? I sat there and cried
FYI-Owning a kitty significantly lowers your chances of ever seeing mine...
If the pens lose tonight I'm gonna drive to Detroit and burn 8 mile to the ground.
Actually I may do that regardless. Probably get my own holiday.
i'm writing my speech about my 4th grade backstreet boy concert experience. that sums up how seriously i take my life.
working out is totally making me break out.. i'm doomed to forever be either a butterface or a butterbod. there is no way out.
I love how my cats smell like pot.
Woke up next to my bed in a pile of skittles, sleeping on a pair of sweatpants. I can't believe the girl didn't stick around..
It's isn't revenge sex until you've cum on her porcelain doll collection.
Just played slippy cup. Flip cup plus slip n slide. What did you do with your fourth of july?
He showed up at my door at 3 AM wearing a Santa hat with a tiara attached.
I want to put in my resignation as an adult. From now on I will be spending my time drinking beer and skiing.
He took my virginity but also my remaining pizza. i dont know how to feel right now.
Being in nursing school really pays off when your dealer tries to pass off naproxen as Percocet. Like I may have made a C in pharm but I aced the pain drug test
So apparently Facebook just randomly finds the girl who gave me a hard handy despite having no mutual friends...
I went out with a plan. I came home with a Brian. THIS WAS NOT PART OF THE PLAN.
Randomize
