No, I'm never going to get a job bc I don't know anything about public relations except that Chris Crocker wants everyone to leave Britney alone.
I don't call you at 3 in the morning to start a fucking relationship.
True. She actually gives a fuck. A quality looked down upon if she wants to be one of us
He leaned in to kiss me and I dodged him but i fell on the floor. I guess I never got up cuz I woke up on the floor and he was in his bed
When a girl says " I never would have come over if I knew I was getting kicked out at 7am." the correct response isn't "but think of how responsible you're being."
There's a woman at the bar holding a baby with one arm and doing shots of GM with the other. The baby is crying. I have lost faith in humanity.
I ran into cvs barefoot with my belt undone and shirt buttoned wrong and didn't even have to ask. The guy working pointed and said "they're back there."
That's how I look going for the pbr.
I saw a kitty kat get finger blasted on the couch by a Bulls player
What do you take me for? I'm not trying to lure you into bed with stories of my dead aunt.
I saw an episode of cops that had one of my ex husbands on it.
Let's make this a nightly thing. You'll explain the Watergate scandal like you're telling me a bedtime story while I eat popcorn high as fuck
The thing I'm gonna miss about him is his dick.
I yelled at your uterus for you.
Be there in a sec. We have to stop at Target to buy her underwear first.
I can’t believe you’re letting her use the Mercedes
It seemed like a better idea while she was giving me a hand job. It’s a good thing we weren’t having sex. Who knows what I would agree to during sex
Randomize
