Uhh me and Jacque peed on the street outside the bar last night and wiped with flowers. I vaguely remember her repeating the word "fresh" over and over.
I seriously love my fucking boobs. They are so boobs.
My lack of memory is directly related to being friends with you.
My one night stand found me at the library and randomly gave me plan B. He was scared I was going to get pregnant because he has a very high sperm count.
he was gone before i woke up. left a pee stain, phone number, note and $20 for sheets. safe to say i will not be calling.
There is no way that a naked man in your kitchen can be explained-away as a "misunderstanding."
Wake up we need to beat the walk of shame rush hour
My saliva right now is around 7.6% alcohol/volume.
It has gotten to a point where I just want to sit on his face. Less butterflies, more orgasms.
There was pot, but there are no Doritos, no Funyons, no Oreos.
Send help.
i'm high and self actualising, please send help
It's really life affirming to be at a wedding thinking wow I took your husbands virginity
That's because I've spent the past 21 years convincing my parents the only emotions I have are sarcasm and bitterness.
is caitlin alive?
ya she's alive she's watching a movie
ok remind her she drank toilet water then.
Dude my cat is eating sugar cookies with me. No joke. My cat likes cookies.
Randomize
