How long after st. Patrick's day is it ok to shit green before I should seek medicial attention?
She paints her nails the color of the sheets of the last guy she slept with
At what point in your drunken state would you actually believe that the cops wanted to party with you?
Im in the STD packet for new students this year. And im going to be plastered tonight so be forewarned
Vaginas creep me out. I'm disgusted by the look of them. I wonder if this is what having an ugly baby is like: you have to take care of it and love it but it just hurts you on the inside to look at it.
I let a naked juice spill down my leg for like 30 minutes bc i thought i was hallucinating that my leg was cold.
I found a pair a guys underwear in my purse that has a British flag on it and says and I quote "British beef" what.the.fuck.
If she has AMC, I may have to fuck her today. I want to catch up on the walking dead.
I'm treating this like a real date. My boobs aren't even out.
I'm so proud, I have tears
When you woke up the first word out of your mouth was "whoa"
I was feeling the aftermath of his penis
Drunk me just left a note for sober me apologizing for all the fucking crumbs in our bed
He shampooed and conditioned his pubes but can't manscape for shit.
at the time fanning him with a dish tray seemed like a good idea but when we found it buried in the dirt the next morning i questioned our judgement. needless to say he still threw up even with the extra breeze.
Where are all your bongs? Your Dad wants to make sure they're put away before his family gets here.
Umm....in my room, on my closet, under the bed and behind my laptop.
It's like the perfect sandwich, once you find it you want to ensure your future access to it.
Randomize
