He is fucking rediculously sexy. DO HIM NOW. NOW. NOW. NOW.
but his dog just died...ill send him an edible arrangement or a 6 pack or something
i have a "get your shit together" dinner with my parents tonight. After that ill be down to party
If you're still awake, how rude would it be if I masturbated in her new apartment on moving day? If you're asleep, then ask me how it was.
btw im making up a story about these stitches..... i think a hockey stick to the face sounds better then i fell up the stairs
I need a therapist, but moreover we are going to be really drunk.
You were so drunk you decided to go out of the car window instead of using the door, once you realized what you had just done you said fuck it and went back in through the window
Heres a quick tip! When getting black out head from your girlfriend dont come to and say "wait... wheres my girlfriend"
I seriously just drove by a man walking down the street wearing hospital scrubs, an 80s track jacket, gold necklace and carrying a flute.
Saw a girl lying on her back next to a fire hydrant. Not sure if passed out drunk or sleeping under the stars
wait nvm its a dude
i just woke with half a bagel saran wrapped to my phone and a cookie in an envelope beside my head...
That's really the only reason I'm dating you, the prospect that I might get bacon
Do you remember telling those ppl that they need to mate and give you the baby and in 15 years you will all reunite and it will be a party?
shots, cocks, socks. bingo
He was singing on top of spaghetti, and then started crying. He said it was the saddest song ever, "so so sad".
Randomize
