a guy named alex was hitting on my friend tonight. he doesnt work on wind turbines tho.
The sky will open, cue choir of angels: "oh! wow! Matt was right! Not only will I grow out my bush, but I'm going to date straight, available men!"
i literally forgot his name and just started calling him "waffles"
i need a shirt that says "I fuck trainwrecks"
seagrams + popov + pineapple + milk. there, ur search for worlds worst drink is over. you're welcome
I think I'm cybering, it's been a while and its more in depth than it was in 8Th grade.
I got a Cease & Desist email from NBC for downloading Bruno. I am not going down for gay porn.
Currently in the bathroom stall of a gay bar in new haven giving myself an anti throw up pep talk
This dude has my number from April last year. Drunk me left sober me a puzzle. No confirmation of pants off business
Why is there a video on my phone of us trying to snort a line of Reeces Pieces with you chanting "This is how fat girls party"?
He tried to take a picture of me naked but only got my ass. I don't know his name but if my butt is a guys wallpaper, that's the one I boned.
i don't remember going ever taking off my pants but my pubes are shaved into a K and kelsey is passed out in the shower.
You don't know what lonely is until you've came in an Arby's Napkin
Sorry I banged your sister. But in my defense you ain't fucked me in a month. In fact I should get a medal for keeping it in your family.
I don't actually like you. I just want to hook up with you.
I'm fine with that
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