Sometimes, in the course of human events, people get lit on fire.
Pro tip: Don't start playing Bejeweled on Facebook while waiting for your Adderall to kick in. Unless you have the next 9 hours free.
no seriously, she's legit pissed i'm late to lunch because i was watching full house. there's obviously no future here.
How is it possible that i have sex with a guy and he makes YOU breakfast
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I feel like today should be a " im going to have sex with you cause its raining and theres nothing else to do" kinda day
Just woke up with a blunt in each nostril and a lighter duct taped to my chest...good lookin out
New bet. First person to fuck their girlfriend and narrate the whole thing in Morgan freemans voice wins. You are disqualified if she asks you about. My girlfriend is on her rag. U have the headstart. Your move...
I'm all about sex. But even I know there will be a time to retire my junk. And that will be my 40th birthday, or whenever I'm hideous
Touche. Dude, I fastened garters. Drunk. I deserve a medal from a drag queen.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
i made up my own drinking game and i took a secret shot every time someone asked me about school or my future
holy shit I just remembered that story I told about Tom hanks going bowling while high.
Brah, we should get a "do not disturb sign"... I can't have people knocking on the door while I'm high, it fucks with me way too much.
You really need to not quote Anchorman while I'm giving you a serious blowjob.
I yelled at him as he left "you broke up with me. You lost your blow job privileges"
He ate me out in a golf cart while I watched the sunset. You are so right, golf skirts do provide amazing access.
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