someone shit in a solo cup and left it at the base of the stairs. fuck orlando dude.
you announced to the whole room that instead of shaving you were planning to start straightening and then braiding your pubes. awkward silence followed by everyone leaving.
i have a bunch of little boys around me trying to hit on me
dont be selfish, show some boob
we need a dd. For wednesday. At lunch. What are we doing with our lives?
succeeding
Oh the joys of strong arming a man into exclusivity
He taped the number 420 over all of his clocks
i'm half naked talking to a cat. you don't have to justify your life to me.
She sucks dick like Beethoven on piano, but talking to her is like Simple Jack in Tropic Thunder. Still working out the pros vs cons list.
I caught them hiding behind a car trying to have sex.
Are you around on Saturday? Feeling a trip over
Wet with either fear or sexual excitement
I think a mixture of both is appropriate
Some guy offered you 100 bucks last night to suck your toes. I had to drag you away while you were yelling at me, "Stop money cock blocking me!"
That's just where I'm at in my life.
If you can get her to make out with you without paying for it, I will personally make you president of the american lesbian league
do you know of a way I can die but like NOT die? like not being unconcious, just ascending to an astral plane for a few weeks or months in real world time so i can sort my issues out away from the rigors of life kinda deal, you know?
Just found a pair of vomit-soaked socks in my purse, three days after the party... Now I know why my wallet was wet.
just saw a kid waiting at the door of the stairs for the elevator. there is no elevator in this building. get on his level.
Randomize
