I'm pretty sure I left my reasoning skills at home last night, and just brought anger and rage with me.
there's something so ridiculous to me about watching someone with glasses exercising. it's like watching a whore studying in the library. stop trying to be someone you're not.
She was the most uninteresting drunk I've met
She set an alarm on my phone for her birthday. Place: Her bed.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Sincerely would love to tap that, on a mountain with the wind blowing on your pubes .
My boss just called me for legal advice. What has my life become?
Shame?!? Shame only comes from getting naked in front of strangers and it not being awesome
Did I fall on/off the boat yesterday? Cuz my right leg looks and feels like if it got hit by shrapnel.
We had to go. She called the bartender a thundercunt.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
30% sure Kevin and I just adopted a cat. Talk to me when the sun's up but I really feel like that's a thing.
For both our sake, we've decided to ban watching combat sports before sex
I'm eating go-gurt and drinking beer alone in the dark. This is why you shouldn't marry young.
I forgot to lock the door last night. I woke up cuz a guy opened my bedroom door, asked me who I was and where he was. And there was another guy standing in the living room asking me if I knew what apartment "Travis" lives in.
ill let you put your finger in a lot of things. but a ring is not one of them.
We've been together for 10 months. These next 2 may be a deal breaker. He has not met the summertime version of me that is so hungover today that I cancelled a meeting with my boss right after she sent me an appreciation note saying I have great work ethic. I have her fooled.
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