Did you see Brett Michaels get knocked on his ass?
Hurt me personally.
Knocked his cowboy hat off... Bandanna was still good though
Do you remember when I jumped into your arms and you farted?
They have edible shot glasses at target.
There really is a God.
i just heard Winston Churchill in auto-tune. thank you nerds.
We met on a dual walk of shame. It has to be love, we can't let that go to waste. I want to tell our children that story.
Seeing a catheter being inserted into a penis severely diminished my sex life
I really think we need to get on this Charlie Sheen bandwagon
We're gona eat taco bell and then take exlax and see who can hold it in the longest. Loser has to pay for drinks all weekend. You in?
Bailing my boss from jail at five in the morning.. If thats not a promotion I don't what is.
You gotta buy me dinner first. Or smoke me out. Both are equally chivalrous
you need a warning label. Just announcing that you are Scottish is seen more as a challenge. Those guys have no idea what they are getting into.
I was too lazy to get my chapstick out of my purse so i lubed up my lips with pizza grease. On a scale of 1-10 how embarassed should i be?
Tomorrow is my bachelor party. If I die tomorrow, please know I graded you a "check" as a sister. "Check-minus" when you got mouthy.
Your slutty phase was the highlight of my year.
He can sense you did cocaine and had park sex with a large ginger from Australia last night.
Randomize
