did you know that the clit is basically just a tiny penis? Ya.. So just think about that next time you're down there.
Just found a hundred dollar bill on the ground. Hope you're looking to drink tonight
Just got the American Express annual summary for 2009. The amount of bars we visited last year is impressive.
the last 2 times weve had drunk sex ive had to get the morning after pill.. he's turning into a real expensive fuck buddy.
I talked a bachelorette party out of a 4 person bucket of long islands, and drank it by myself. Please call me a taxi. The fat brides maid just grabbed my cock
Oh, and that ugly chick transformed into a veritable goddess when she came back at 3AM with a handle of vodka and 100 chicken wings
WHY IS EVERY MAN IN THIS CITY GAY? IS IT SO BAD TO WANT TO BE TREATED LIKE A PIECE OF SHIT BY A REALLY HOT STRAIGHT MAN FOR A NIGHT?
Did you just say he wants to put a baby inside me?
Just had the best idea EVER: start a mead brewing/dispensery business! WE CAN BREW IT IN MY GIANT CLOSET, AND NEVER BE SOBER AGAIN.
We're over by the bouncy castles. I'm the one wearing a baby. Bring Twizzlers.
When God was sprinkling self control to everybody, he ran out and was like ehhhh she'll make it!
I'm sorry for what I said when I was orgasming
I've got 3 hot dudes surrounding me. It's the Bermudick Triangle.
If I hear you use the phrase "silky soft scrotum" one more time I swear to God you'll regret it
You know what sucks about being drunk at 4 pm? Not a god damn thing.
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