allegedly i woke up at 5am sat in the dishwasher and peed
You know how my eyes change color? Well I noticed after I hook up with someone my eyes are greener.
Wow, so you're like the Edward Cullen of sluts.
Okay you totally passed out. Ask me about the bike parking garage and the expired baby formula in the morning.
connan obrien reminds me of an asparagus spear
they shut off the water. shaving my legs with soda. that desperate.
Im about to shotgun a beer using my mother's knitting needles. home sweet home.
he was holding his dick in one hand and my boob in the other and i looked down and thought, this is my life
Day drunk and a can of soup and wine straight from the bottle and alone and on my kitchen floor.
I just realized I donated our bong to goodwill.. RIP Kimbo Slice
You suck, She hit so hard.
How could she say that about my foreskin when she hasn't even seen all the cool stuff I can do with it?
I laid naked in his bed as he brought me an ice cream sandwich so I would say everything worked out great
At least you didn't wake up next to your professor who then proceeded to cancel class via phone while still inside of me.
We had a quickie at work in the office. He walked out before me, and I fell asleep while waiting a few minutes to walk out. Yeah. He's got that change your life dick
Seriously, you just banged the guy that wishes his dog happy birthday on fb. That's fucking adorable!
Sometimes I just take my boobs out of my shirt so they can get some fresh air
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