i keep myself tagged when other girls look bad/ugly so i look better
Don't put random dicks in your mouth or any other crevice for that matter... and i'm home in 30 seconds
Wish I got that text last night instead of this morning.
i love waking up at 5am with an imprint of a toilet seat on my chest
how the hell did this chicken wing end up in my cast?!
I've made a list of places I want to have sex this summer. #1: Reptile House at the zoo.
How does one chug a beer and swing the bottle at someone in a single motion? This guys a beer ninja man
I spent 10 minutes contemplating condensation on grapes this morning.
I puked up my nose. THAT kind of night
I just remember lots of butts and something about ranch dressing.
I met a guy last night who bought me a book on Amazon at the bar and then we had sex. Boners for books is a thing. Boom.
the best part is that i get to keep the pot plants and he still has my name tattooed on his ass
sometime during the night he found me in the empty hotttub singing marvins room in only my bra.
Like people our age are getting engaged, and I’m out here spooning with a giant unicorn I bought at Walmart on Black Friday.
I feel so accomplished. I've cleaned my room, done laundry, called those places, gotten jobs, and masturbated.
I'm so proud of you.
I just thought you should know that you should be proud of your dick. It's pretty much perfect. Just, ya know, by the way.
Randomize
