I know it's VERY late and i know i may have burdened you, but on the chance that it's sat nite- are you up or willing to be? Christinas camping and i'm chillin alone.
Just realized I'm marrying a man that's never gone down on me. What happened to my priorities?
I need moral support for this bender
Sad Megan is Sad
Have you been drinking my beer?
Well i think matt shit his pants so ill mark that as a W
You sent me a picture of you licking the bottom of a shoe and the caption was "it tastes like shoe"
Some lady just walked up to me in the bar and proclaimed that I looked like a "shady motherfucker." Can't argue with that one.
OMG BTW REMEMBER HOW HE ORDERED PIZZA THAT ONE TIME WE HOOKED UP. APPARENTLY HE WAS HANDING IT OUT TO PEOPLE WHO LIVE IN MY BUILDING AS HE WAS LEAVING
did i just see you in the movie theater carrying a margarita into Frozen?
All the 6 year olds are jealous of my alcohol
The chances of me making out with someone next weekend are about the same as me not remembering it.
Thanks for being the best husband and reassuring my fuck buddy that you're comfortable with my adultery. You da real MVP.
He's gonna be like you slept with too many of my friends and you're being voted off the island haha
You asked to borrow my glasses for a moment. Then you whipped them at someone's head.
How the fuck did he think me asking about the possibility of a threesome was a rhetorical question?
Aww well I’m kinda unsober so probably best
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