I swear to god I'm with a high end prostitute right now and shes the most interesting person I've ever met. She just took me in to share an evening.
And as an added bonus she seems to have gotten a blood stain out of my favorite t-shirt
I'm at some bar in brklyn... just made out with a guy named Owen.
He is a pre-school teacher... just sang me a song about weather.
People are allowed to visit it's just they can't be from Germany and have to wear masks.
I'm at a free clinic. Feel like I should cough or sneeze so it's not blatantly obvious I'm getting checked for STI's.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You act like this is the first time i've fingered two 17 year olds at the same time
apparently the dude across the street has been dead for like a month. now I feel bad about pissing on his lawn
i just burped and it tasted like condom. please tell me i wasn't lame and made that guy wear one for a bj last night.
Dude with the Beatles haircut just got his pilots license and wants to take us up to do a case race mid flight. Don't tell me networking is unnecessary.
It really went downhill when you started writing IOU on pieces of napkins. Giving them to the strippers
Real life dumb and dumber
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I think you'll be amused to know that I achieved the impossible feat of tripping over my own dick
Giving the guy pizza was a good idea. Leaving him naked on the pool table makes you my hero
It's 10:15 on a Wednesday night and my dick is covered in pop rocks. How's your Wednesday going?
so go get some goddamn bacon and lay in his bed naked. he'll love it.
I think the sex rug burn on my back is infected, can you check it out when you get home?
Hey I can officially say I made out with a drug lord.
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