I just watered my plants with apple juice. Look what you made me do.
why is my clorox wipe dispenser full of tortillas?
just reminessing about the wedding and were they seriously to tight to serve a meal oorrrrrr was it just another one of my black-out-by-dinner drunks
the fact that you actualy have a 'black-out-by-dinner drunk' is a bit deserving..
he got everyone in a room, turned off the lights and started throwing knives at the wall. if you got hit, you had to drink...
Sat in the shower and reenacted the "Wiggle your big toe" scene from Kill Bill. THAT hungover.
Your dress got me laid by one of Obama's Secret Service members. Patriotic duty, check.
Dont worry bro, i'll be the designated kayaker. I wouldnt want u to be drinking and kayaking.
My class coordinator for bio told us that the only thing we should do the night before an exam is to get laid. And then party down after the exam. I like him.
Sorry I punched you in the throat. You got in my way. You understand.
I just laughed so hard that my back cracked so hard that I thought I was cumming. Magic
It can't be easy when an alcoholic Russian is screaming to the entire dorm "he no get hard"
He was passed out, face in the toilet, so I just pissed on his head. Serves him right
Too hungover to brush my teeth. took a swig of menthol schnapps instead. lazy or incredibly efficient?
Youre my hero
I woke up with a jacket; in it passport, hockey tickets, sunglasses, credit card, bank transactions
He doesn't understand the concept of a strip club. He keeps falling in love
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