I'm glad you talked me out of that flying penis tattoo.
8am blowjobs give a whole new meaning to morning breath..
I won the karaoke contest at the bar last night, when they called my name i was doing blow off the toilet seat, i thought they caught me, i didnt even know there wasa contest
it was really awkward..i thought he had two dicks, but later realized it was jsut his roommate
walking around pouring bird seed on passed out guys in the quad.
The bartender cut me off so I peed in the corner. How no one noticed I have no idea.
Just drank an entire bottle of champagne for lunch. It's gonna be that kind of semester.
My aunt left me alone with the instructions to "get waisted" by the time she returns. I love drunk aunt.
Oh, and one of the worst parts... his name was Mario. I fucked a Nintendo character.
he had hair everywhere except his balls
You can't go around chasing people and screaming JUST LET ME LOVE YOU. We're in a public place.
There is a dude with blue hair and a samurai sword and another dude dressed as Dead Pool. I daresay standard social conventions are not applicable in this environment.
What would I even say at the wedding? "Sorry that I still wouldn't sleep with you after four years of you trying...but hopefully my sister here isn't that stubborn" and give him an awkward pat on the back?
So this is what bad decisions tastes like...
I also guarantee you multiple orgasams and blueberry pancakes
Nothing wrong with a little cat scratch fever. You have toys?
A few, plus a dildo molded from a porn star that I've always been too intimidated of to actually use, but it's the apocalypse, and momma didn't raise no quitter.
Randomize
