Cool, see you soon... she just admitted to her friends that it was a queef.
I cant date a girl that sucks dick at sucking dick
through my window right now you can see the hot chick next door is standing BUTT ASS NAKED eating peanut butter off a knife.
ill be there in 5.
Just saying. If you end up in canada tomorrow morning at least youll have my text to remind you how it happened
My sink just fell out of the wall. I can't deal with this right now
she found me naked passed out on the toilet and i just kept repeating "i'm like elvis, but not dead."
just woke up to a get well card i wrote myself when i was drunk. it was by the advil. i am a cocky bitch.
I need someone to meet me at the end of the road and throw captain morgan at my face like they do with water at marathons
Everything sucks i just wanna cry and smoke a bowl and pet my cat and die. All at the same time
Oh shit I just realized the ropes are still tied to the bedposts
just imagine me sitting naked on a toilet with a fully-clothed dude i havent seen in 2 years, trying to make normal conversation except that im covered in blood and he's helping wipe me down while i try not to pass out because blood makes me NERVOUS. And he's apologizing and i'm apologizing.
I find it weird that you'll let me in your vagina, but not your house
I just want to bone him one last time before he moves across the country with his new (average looking) girl friend.
He was a foot taller than me and my hands were bigger than his, it's called Pity head
I need you to know I’m weirdly very sexually attracted to Charlie Puth now
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