well we can cross tagging a chick in a movie theatre off the list of things to do before we die
i did the 'picked up item' thing from zelda when i jizzed on her face
so you're single again?
yea but it was worth it
ive come to the point where weve hung out more times sober than drunk. i think im growing up. fuck.
Sarah likes to play this game where she leaves her thongs at every party. she hides them where hopefully gf's will find them. I caught her naked from the waste down in my freezer this morning
This taco party has no tacos, just a hot asian guy in booty shorts. We were lied to.
YOU CAN'T BASE A RELATIONSHIP OFF A PENIS
I LIKE HIS TONGUE TOO.
WHO THE FUCK TAGS THEMSELVES AT COUNTY JAIL?!?!
Was I asleep on the ride home?
Yea, then when I tried to hold your head up on a turn, you round house punched me in the face.
I just tried to order ice cream on my bagel. I think I should just call it
I asked him to sing a song so he couldn't hear me throwing up as he was holding my hair
My relationship: I'm wearing batman panties and a tiara right now trying to get laid and he's doing dishes.
He went down on me while i ate a whole 7/11 pizza. New level unlocked
Just googled myself and a bunch of boob shots of me came up. Apparently my phone automatically uploaded them to my google plus.
Please google me ASAP and ensure I corrected this...
It was probably the night you were half naked and trying to blow everybody, guy or girl.
this is me we're talking about here. You're going to have to be more specific than that.
it's like my eyeball is being humped by my eyelid
Randomize
