you sent me 45 texts saying "meow?"
did i?
she met some random, took his vcard, peed in his bed, left, and then requested him as her boyfriend on facebook
I think for all the guys in my phone, I'm going to change their pictures to pics of their dicks. It's easier to identify them that way.
Besides asking our teacher if he enjoyed being fisted did I have any other tragic moments last night?
A girl at the bar is wearing green body paint instead of a shirt. Where are you?!
I was talking to another guy at the bar last night and all of a sudden a flying piece of Sausage lands on my boobs. Then I hear my boyfriend yell, "just marking my territory."
Just make it a game! Like 20 questions STD style.
I AM AT THE LOUNGE WHERE THEY FILMED THE LAP DANCE IN SHOWGIRLS....IT IS AMAZING
I just watched this dude try to convince this girl to go home with him. She was like, That's cute, you're cute.and she just walked away. Man I'm so not drunk enough to be around this level of sad.
Today, I lack passion for anything but Taco Tuesday.
It will be the shitshow of all shitshows.
My boobs are hoarders, they steal food and hide it. Greedy bitches.
so he's a sleeptalker.
yeah??
"Mitochondria is the powerhouse of the cell" right in my ear. 2 am.
For the love of god, if any of you are up, bring me pants.
My mom is worried I'm not eating enough protein so she's sending me 48 cans of tuna. That's not a typo.
Randomize
