Just kissed her with a dip in my mouth... She was either too drunk to notice or too cool to care
I wonder what it would be like to go to the dry cleaners and not have to inform them that all my clothes are stained with booze.
This will be the 3rd time you have blacked out and lost your phone only to have some kind stranger find it, charge it, call me, then mail it back to you. Your luck amazes me...
My pussy is making all kinds of justifications that my mind would have no patience for if it was still in charge
So I hear you're taking over showing your penis responsibilities now that I'm gone?
Some guy just showed up at my door to return my bikini top. EXPLAIN NOW
I'm really having trouble focusing on shark week with this erection
I swear she lies about being allergic to gluten so she'll get all the jack and not have to drink shitty beer like the rest of us
My mom wants to know what to send you in a care package. She used cat emojis, so you know it's serious
We're following a guy carrying a door for beer pong at his place..join us when you are deemed sober enough to leave the hospital.
I just masturbated and watched youtube makeup videos, which was just an extension of masturbation.
Let us bow our heads and pray that I don't throw up in the tub
You went to a drug deal in a onesie.
Knowing how to carefully mix my vices has to be the #1 skill I've gotten from pharmacy school
Going on a coke binge the night before your appointment with your therapist (to talk about your sex addiction) is prob not the best idea.
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