good penises are hard to come by.... must be the economy...
I love having hate sex.
the majority of my texts from you are at 3 AM & consist of either "I'm drunk", "you're asian", or "bratwurst"
It smelled like mall pretzels. Of course I investigated.
She just sat there, all alone, with a bottle of booze. And the dog. He even looked like he didn't wanna be there with her.
I just did the math, I've had 8 hours of sleep in the last 3 days. Not sure if that means I am dedicated to my sex life or my job...
walk of shame this morning involved walking through the in-home daycare that she runs while it was full of kids. judgemental little shits. on a plus, got a juice box and a graham cracker for the walk home.
The party went downhill once the fire department had to be called to put out the kitchen fire.
I remember you licked my face and said that's all you're getting
Im rolling face in a pizzeria. I want to be with people who love me.
Like we were literally doing coke off his insulin pump
Also, you should've bet on Team Liver.
We won.
USA USA USA
What procrastination leads to: I have submitted a third of my job applications this week with a BAC that would get me arrested
i warned you not to do dabs 20 minutes before graduation. You never listen
2016 was supposed to be my year of being a ho, but I guess 2017 might be too.
Randomize
