There's nothing more uncomfortable than drifting into sexual fantasies on a roadtrip and realizing you have a boner with three other dudes in the car.
i no longer even have beer goggles. i'm pretty sure i blacked out and had beer lasik.
is it customary for a bride to wear white even if she's a whore? i feel tie-dye would have been more accurate
i am YELPING strip clubs. This is interesting.
This is drunk me apologizing to sober me in advance.. I am sprry about you're trashed house. Mom an dad will be home by 5 so get up and clean. P.s. Mike is in the closet passed out.
there are two kinds of girls in this world: my mom, and sluts.
I fatbooth all their pics then decide which one is the cutest even if they gained like 400 lbs and then proceed to fuck him.
You can't say "they have anal bleaching for that" and then just hang up
he just asked me for a tag team. like at least let me get changed out of your roommates clothes from last night first...
I'm lowering my standards just so I can get laid, but I draw the line when a guy spells cool kewl
I'm sending you the three minute video I jus took,....it's of me eating a pear up close
He told me that before I went to bed I needed to do my stretches and then processed to demonstrate a squat thrust, while completely naked.
Did you know that taking off a bra with teeth burns ninty calories?
I just had a twenty minute discussion about endangered breed dog breeding with an Extremely drunk guy
So many questions...
The condoms have been found. I repeat: THE CONDOMS HAVE BEEN FOUND. he isn't a collector!!!
I'm glad that we laid to rest the suspicion that he was keeping them in a scrapbook. yayy
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