Words of wisdom-never eat a peanut-butter covered banana on a construction site ever again
I just applied for an unsubsidized loan naked. I love the internet.
he just kept going up to random asian girls and yelling at them for breaking up the beatles
Okay you totally passed out. Ask me about the bike parking garage and the expired baby formula in the morning.
I apologize in advance for attempting to drunkenly hookup with your sister
In the 30 seconds it took me to leave the bar I let the barback motorboat me, ripped open a stranger's shirt and bit his chest, then made out with El Camino dude. No, I'm not coming out tonight.
Currently getting "blaow" buzzed into my pubes. How's your thursday?
Masturbating on the clock at work is my specialty.
If I had that in my pants Omg I would want a shirt made so everyone knew
Why is there a muffler in the livingroom?
First, I just want to say that I had nothing to do with it. Second, how good is your car insurance?
Got stiff armed by the garbage man on the back of the truck...I just wanted to ride one block dude
Random pof guy just messaged me initiating a Pokemon battle. Want to be a bridesmaid?
It's like if you wanna bond just do a ropes course or have group sex you don't have to be weird about it
The last thing I need is a possessed urethra.
Having to do the walk of shame on crutches was defiently a first for me. cheers to the governor, klove
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