so high driving around just saw a woman in a pink shirt chillin riding a horse
so high at work that a 35 year old with his kids handed me visine and winked at me. you win with the horse though
Have you ever had champagne poured on you during sex? It was like a rap video
I have no memory of puking on someone. Was he cute?
Just got offered to exchange moonshine for manscaping services by a gay guy. I'm gonna have the smoothest back in St. Louis county.
IF I CAN STICK YOUR DICK IN MY MOUTH, I CAN STICK MY GUM ON YOUR NIGHTSTAND.
Dude, you need to man up. You passed out before a PRESEASON game. It's a long season.
Seriously, webMD this shit for me, I cant move and I dont wanna die until I have something worth fighting over in my will
The guy at the bar repeatedly told us he was an off duty cop from out of town, that to normal people would be the time where you stop asking him to smoke a blunt with us
I cried over the lack of milkshakes I've consumed in the last month
We had sex on roll out bean bag chair, and then proceeded to sleep with a blanket with dolphins on it. Happy birthday to me.
We were on a plane, I couldn't just grab his dick
I feel like it could help stop wars and begin world peace and the continents can unite for one Monday because chicken fries come back today
Someone left a middle school yearbook here. I recognized one kid from banging his mom last year.
2016 was supposed to be my year of being a ho, but I guess 2017 might be too.
How’s the date going?? Do you think he’s gonna cut your face off and wear it to his birthday party?
Randomize
