I can't find my pants or my car
I didn't even hookup I think I took them off at taco bell...
ha omg I always lose my dignity at taco bell as well... so no big deal.
Girl farted next to me in class and then denied my high five
We've had the 'life would be so much better if we were both lesbians' conversation too much for that to be okay.
Changed my mind. Wearing a dress. Casual, with a side of breasts.
The only downside so far to having a guy roommate is that when he's doing a walmart run, I just can't bring myself to ask him to pick up a pregnancy test for me. I feel like that's just too much too soon.
Currently flirting with a 57 year old. Why do i do this
okay. this is james and youre probably never ever gonna see me again unless i really really really want some pussy. sorry.
my professor saw me buying beer for the super bowl and said go patriots. thats how i know im getting an A in his class.
Well I talked to some Canadians today, and I'm keeping a vigilant watch for sharks, so I'm pretty booked up.
"Just cut me in half. Then take half of me home. And leave the other half here. Cuz I can't see."
Hey dude. I've got a mini fridge in my closet now so we don't have to worry about getting drunk and falling down the stairs on our way to get more beer.
I should get him a card "thanks for letting me use you for your penis on and off as I see fit and for being a nice guy. My boobs and I appreciate your loyalty and dedication"
I don't know if I'm more excited about getting chipotle or about getting laid
She said "I feel like I haven't reached my full potential" and I couldn't figure if she meant in life or with the weed..
He just started dry humping the air... I'm done
Randomize
