I'm dying. Please wear something slutty to my funeral.
Uh i was pretty wasted sat, so if i was weird it wasnt me. It was just vodka bein weird w my phone
Tonite tequila might call you
Be prepared
According to my dad, my tongue ring makes people assume I give a lot of blow jobs because, as stated by him "that's what it's for"
the ice cream truck is coming omgomg
dude, it's 2 am.
but its COMING
never. drinking. again.
lets not get ahead of ourselves.
I can't really talk right now. I'm getting on a plane to Oregon to go give a guy a bj. I'll see you in three days.
My cock is literally on the edge of falling off. Fuck Vegas.
Results of pregaming honors college basketball social: 18 points, 3 blocks, and 3 flagrant fouls leading to 2 broken bones on former valedictorians. I'm doing this more often.
If drinking before honors events and injuring our universities brightest doesn't get you kicked out of the program, you're not trying hard enough.
I'm having Vietnam flashbacks. This Kid I hooked up with is speaking in class and I keep experiencing the terror.
I don't know how or when he is sober long enough to donate plasma
At this point I think you're just judging my taste in men
She drunkenly dropped her ranch for her pizza. She tried to clean it up with her hands off the street then realized it didn't work and started licking her fingers.
apparently when she asked me how drunk I was on a scale of 1-10, I answered "bitch I'm fabulous" and tried to do a sassy hairflip. but I have short hair.
That song just makes me wanna take off my top and shake my titties all around the club.
Lady at the airport across from me just pulled a cat out of her bag. can't deal with this right now..
Randomize
