I mean, he's dancing back and forth between pathetically sad and massively fucking creepy.
My dad just told me if I'm going to smoke pot, to make sure I use a clean needle. WTF?
i never realize how drunk i am until i start using people as human stripper poles
guy at the corner shop gets out a bottle of tequilla and a pack of malboro light whenever he sees me through the door. makes me feel loved and cared for
I'm literally partying with O.J. Simpson's son right now. I don't know what to make of this.
Hold on there are flying pancakes I can't handle this right now
I think I wrote "thanks for the free alcohol!!!" in their wedding guest book and I'm almost positive I signed my name
Why do you have to go to the hospital?
I gotta apologize to a male nurse who's tryin to press assault charges on me
I love her to death but its like you have to do 5 lines of coke to be on her level.
I just want to have beer shits in my own bathroom. Is that too much to ask for?
I'm sending midget strippers dressed as bull fighters with mini bottles of 1800 to your house. Already made the call. Jer is going halves on it. Can't be stopped! Won't be stopped!
I was gonna turn him down, but he correctly identified a song from Pocahontas.
He gave me an extra phone charger for the other side of the bed the other night. Is that love?
I almost wrecked my car because of a guy in skinny jeans had a boner
you were trying to drink the laundry detergent and yelling blue drankkkkk
Randomize
