just got drunk at a party with Christmas themed solo cups.. holidays are officially here.
He said I was the smartest girl he had ever dated, that should have been a sign from the beginning
a commercial for my antidepressant came on and they said you shouldn't take if if you drink right as i took a shot
god is laughing at you again
When I realized it was a dog, and I still had a boner, it was awkward.
At least my fat-chick-ratio has not been that bad this semester ...
You would think that me seductively unzipping my cat feetie pajamas would make him want to fuck me.
"You can go raw dog up in me". Exact words. I can't decide whether to run, or fuck. Help.
He is so sweet! He thanks me for sending him dirty pix. I should keep him.
i think my cat just said my name.
I feel like my cat and I are playing mind games. I need more friends.
You are allergic to dogs. DO NOT kidnap something you are allergic to. No matter how fluffy.
I have a few Facebook friends I only keep around for quality control purposes on Tinder
Her vag MUST be made out of starbursts or something equally as delicious.
i love you and all, but can that be the last orgy with your wife?
Replacing my paralegal is easy. Replacing my favorite office fuck toy is a totally different story. Damn him for wanting to better himself instead of being my manwhore
Randomize
