I was just like staring at the lawn boy while singing "You Belong With Me".
I am the king of creep.
i was watching some porn this morning and i realized i am blessed with a truly beautiful vagina
Dude, you posted a cap of a porn to survey if it looked like me. That's pretty certifiably creepy.
You left half a beer on someones car and claimed it was a second day of hanakuh gift
New plan, instead of sleeping with her, I'm just going to use her to sleep with the entire sorority.
Dude, all I remember was you grabbing random girls, yelling "It's a rap video!" and pouring high-life on them.
I would have done it. But then again I am a starving student who can manipulate my brain into thinking my decision was somehow morally justifiable.
Again??? Now we can't ever fucking go there again STOP PEEING IN FOYERS
That super awesome moment when the guy who threw up in your bed last night crawls into your roommate's bed the next morning...Naked...She was in it.
I know you're asleep, but I just had a motherfucking epiphany.
So I have to masturbate in a hospital. I wonder what kind of porn they have.
Roommate charged out of his room in pajamas yelling "MAKE IT RAIN" and just threw $4,000 in fifties onto my head. My Friday night.
I walk into the pharmacy and I'm like "I need three morning after pills" and the guy was like "uhhhh". All I said was "we didn't plan it, we all just got laid the same night"
Also my roomates are going to be gone till sunday. Make correct decision here
Quit calling your parents your roomates
Snorted a dorito chip for 1$. Cross that off the bucket list.
Randomize
