I just walked through a room full of deaf people and farted i love deaf people
btw, your gf is going to want to talk to you today...and consequently you're probably not going to want to talk to me...just a heads up
My roommate just got home. Made an entire package of bacon. Ate it. And then went to bed.
Homecoming wouldn't be the same without all the drunk old people puking on the street.
something had to give and with her weight the coffee table never stood a chance
So I come back home and a huge flock of enormous vultures are on my roof
They're waiting for you to die
There should be a rule.......that if you have a small penis you must wear a hat with propellers on it so you can fly the hell off the planet.
I forgot that places existed where drinking on Sunday is frowned upon. It's just so unreasonable.
Just remember that I named his dick Robo-cock before he got into the sheriff's department.
There are some things you can ever unsee. And walking in on your dad jerking off is one of those things.
How hard do you think it would be to make a drinking game out of a Slip-N-Slide? Asking for a friend.
I slept with the Australian in the bathroom of a gay bar. What has my life become.
Charging my vibrator at work. Pray to god I don't forget it!!!
Well, I hope you're having fun. I'm just gonna lay here and wait for death - shouldn't be long now.
it was like where's waldo, only the stakes were much higher.
Randomize
