thats the last time i clean cum out of my retainer.
its 9am. i just got home. spent 6 hours blowing him in a closet last night
i'm drinking margaritas from a pouch...really dont think i'm in the position to judge anyone...
He put used condom on the handle of the plunger in the bathroom.
I just can't have sex with a guy who has nicer eyebrows than me
You were sitting on the filthy kitchen floor eating a packet of grated cheese, and you were crying because you couldn't find any cheese.. I'd say our party was a success.
Confession: Sometimes I wear my stolen scrubs to the corner store because people will think I'm a doctor and not just a girl too lazy to change out of her pajamas.
weekly advice from mom, "Drink vodka, it las hess calories"
"I'm gonna wax that ass" was the successful pick up line used on me last night. Clearly I had a few too many cause it worked..
If you want it you better put a ring on it. And by ring I mean one of my three favorite pies.
Your poor dick will look at you and scowl for all the abuse he's going to take this week.
I need a hoe opinion
go on
Remember when you brought a guy home from the bar... to our parents house.... on thanksgiving eve?
She tried to fuck me right at the bar in front of everyone. She actually got my pants unzipped before I realized what was going on.
Lesson Learned: It's not a party until someone pisses their pants.
Randomize
