suddenly SuperBad didn't seem so funny anymore...she did have her period on my leg.
they were just spraying pledge on themselves and calling it lemon cologne.
So, after having sex with my 4th overweight girl in 2 weeks, I've decided Charlie Sheen syndrome is ruining my life.
she just announced that once she was paid to deep throat a light saber with a mint flavored condom on it. i'm speechless.
I mean I'm forever immortalized as the one who puked in his dad's straw hat.
WERE YOU GOING TO TELL ME THERE WAS A LOAF OF BANANA BREAD IN THE OVEN BEFORE YOU LEFT FOR A 5 HOUR SHIFT??
Drinking with mariachis at jimmy johns.
He made me meet him in the baby department of walmart where he was waiting with his pregnant girlfriend. Time for a new dealer
You don't understand. This could be the last time I shave a star into my vag. Get over here.
Mostly i might never get belligerent again because im gonna have to keep track of a diamond ring.
It all went downhill when I figured out I could launch myself into people with my crutches
I had a dream about that dude. It was the first time I had a dream about him since the tryst.
The tryst?
The hookup. I like using sophisticated words for my foolish decisions. Makes me retain some dignity.
SUFFER THE WRATH OF THE PISS BAG
so does the amount of bruises on my arms and legs mean we had fun last night?
I woke up this morning and my house is covered in shredded cheese with my laptop open and a google image search for "awesome shit".
Randomize
