I have no idea what i drank..i remember dancing and ass grabbing..u falling. Headbutts. Trying not to puke. And deja vu.
But I always wanted my obit to read "Died violently in casino orgy," not "Never woke up from rectal surgery."
She's walking around topless with a bottle of red wine, crying and singing showtune ballads. This is actually an improvement.
Make sure you take the apple pie out of your pocket before you pass out.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He brought me bullshit flowers and a bullshit apology. Even shrek did more than that for Fiona. And he's an ogre. Does this not say anything about him?
Dude that girl I hooked up with Tuesday is in lecture. I told her I was from the Dominican visiting my cousin and was leaving the next day. Hiding under my hood and hangover.
He was trying to hotbox the banana suit. Of course we traded him for vodka.
Opted for cash back rather than the 10% extra I'd get for store credit, solely for drinks tonight.
You're lovely.
I couldn't find a lighter, so I smoked a bowl with a birthday candle.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I apologize in advance for the amount of cleavage I'll be exposing your boyfriend to.
The chances of me making out with someone next weekend are about the same as me not remembering it.
So pro tip. do not order drugs from india and then assume you know your tolerance level.
Tell him that his phone is taped to the dog's stomach. Stop trying to call it because it makes him scared.
just answer this one ? for me. why is there human shit in my shower right now?
I’m not washing my pussy with handsoap.
Randomize