you kept screaming i cant feel my vagina, it kinda killed the mood.
I wonder if Barack Obama has ever been this drunk.
My STD test came back clean. I'd like to thank all the guys I've slept with, they made this possible. I want to say thanks to all my friends, for believing in me living up to the full slut potential. And last but not least, I'd like to thank alcohol. I wouldn't be who I am today w/out you. I feel like I need to frame this...
sooo my mom just yelled up the stairs " you left your bowl down by the computer"....aaand for a second I forgot cereal bowls still existed
So the answer to your question is yes, I was masturbating on the roof of my building.
like a sex slave...but with a better dental insurance plan
casually drinking alone with your cats. do they like sparks?
You told me "I need to pound this drinks if I'm going to pretend his dick is big enough" then left. Dollar night quotes 2012
I mean I kinda plunged vagina first into my last relationship
It was like a Thanksgiving meal, which you spend 8 hours cooking, and the family wolfs down in 20 minutes. All that flirting and build-up for like 90 seconds of pumping and he was gone in a flash, never to be heard from again.
I am pretty sure I just put SoCo in the bird feeder
Nothing says "we're never gonna bone" like "nice haircut, it makes you look like my cousin"
Is "You've never made me cum." an acceptable breakup line?
That's MADAM THUNDERCUNT to you
No one knows how to work that "I pulled a muscle in my leg" drunk swagger like you can
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