I didn't slap you in the face. TEQUILA slapped you with my hand...
I found a picture of my kindergarten class. Now you can see whose peer pressure I succumbed to.
I'm gonna have sex with a woman...help
she stopped mid-blowjob to explain how to acheive the haircut shown in the movie
Why doesn't he get that I would rather give him blow jobs than be in a relationship?
I almost shit my pants in anger over your moral sanity.
He texted back and said he would hook up if he didn't have a test at 8am. It's really hard to be annoyed by how good of a student he is.
Yeah that sucks. That's why I stick to deadbeat sports management majors.
I definitely think in addition to buying paint ball guns this summer we should invest in a breathalyzer. That way every drunk night turns into a competition, who can blow over the legal limit more. The loser gets shot while hungover. Shit goes hand in hand if you ask me.
He didn't get how "starting a flash flood in my thunderhole" was a sexy euphemism. Deal breaker.
Last year you twerked on my Christmas tree and threw up all over the bathroom...in front of my parents. We should probably keep power hour to ONLY an hour this year
He slapped my ass... He best ask me out. Or figure out how to unslap my ass.
So here's a tip: don't give a blowjob the same morning you're going to the dentist. Cuz they will think you have "mouth trauma."
the fact that you trapped hornets in a mailing tube to put in his mailbox does not surprise me sadly.
Moms love me. I'm the reminder that they need to turn safe search on.
Apparently swingers are magnetically drawn to me?
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