Omg. Get me out of here. Someone is playing michelle branch.
You kept buying everyone Washington apple shots, and telling us we needed to support local produce.
I was the last girl at the bar last night. It was like a battle royale between 10 guys.
So you think it's my fault? I didn't give you the 10 shots you took nor make you eat the brownies we made... btw, i found your engagement ring, it was in the last brownie you wouldn't let me have while dragging me to my room.
I just masturbated to a Jock Jams cd. What have you done today?
I just witnessed my first non cocain induced sunrise in five years.
Not my cup of tea
What happened with the girl wasn't a gay thing. It was just a mutual respect and want for sex. The guys just weren't there.
Call it what you want. You fucked a girl.
I would have been very attracted to her had she not been reading me my Miranda Rights
Teaching my class, used paper clips to fix my hair. Too hungover to be a kindergarten teacher.
I don't know what to say to that. All I know is my vagina is trying to jump through the phone.
Saying I've had more balls in my mouth than you is the last clear, coherent thing I remember.
Best part about losing weight and not fitting into your pants any longer? They come off quick for chipotle emergencies.
Don't take a pillow from my bed. You don't know which ones of them my vagina has been on
do you think that identical twins have the same size junk? i just want to know your opinion before i find out.
her and her boyfriend kept giving me coke ad kissing me talking about my awesome boobs
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