I really liked your hair last night but that style makes it really hard to hold it while you puke
honestly if we didnt hate the same people we would have a friendship based on nothing
They'd unbutton the overalls with their lesbian-tongues. It wouldn't even be a problem.
I apologize for getting really drunk, taking off my shirt, bitching someone out, crying, and breaking something at your party next weekend...
The best thing about my promotion is that I now have an office with a door. I can take my naps in peace instead of leaning my head against the stall in the bathroom.
I can't believe they pay you six figures. I hate you.
I'm wearing red that night.
Noted, what shade?
Whore.
Girl on the bus just slammed her book shut, turned to me and said "I'm way to fucking high to be studying"
Just call Katie. She's like the drunk whisperer; she can get them to do anything.
He got a slutty, ugly mother of a 7 year old, and I got a dog that only sleeps and shits on clean clothes. No one won in this break up.
I woke up to a full mcdonalds meal being shoved in my face. Mom mustve noticed the empty tequila bottle. I love family.
That was the night, like, my hair caught on fire...
Im quite confident that my struggle with sobriety ended last night sometime after dinner
i just found a lighter in my bra... from last night, and its 7:43pm...
Why in the hell is there a guy dressed up as a horse passed out in our kitchen.
happy birthday!
no real plans this weekend. trying to derail the alcohol induced fucking hell train I've been riding for the past three weeks.
Randomize
