i can't help myself.. i am just so in love with the kitchen manager.
...he was wearing JNCO shorts.. i'm pretty sure i saw the dragon.
I wish life was like the Sims. Right when you're pregnant the music would play and I would just know instead of agonizing for the next two weeks.
you threw your tampon into someones open car window...while they were driving.
woke up in my one night stand's bed and barfed all over her floor. she came back from the bathroom, looked at the vomit, looked at me and said "normally i'd tell you to clean it and get the fuck out, but i remember the sex was good, so i'll let it go." Score.
Only your vagina holds the key to what happened last night.
She climbed through the window and into my bed. Not even sure who she is. Was thinking she might be a friend of yours?
Found her with a stray dog now called champagne, crying about how she feels a mom now. Had to take her home. The dog too.
You overflowed the toilet cuz you tried to flush apples. you said they were singing too loudly
I'm at the bar alone. Is this how you feel?
I thought my ass was sore from the gym then I realized it was from being spanked. Confusing time in my life.
the best part of college is nobody can tell me not to eat six toaster strudels and jerk off in the shower
I grinded with the guy who brought the scooter, I'm leaving with success
Well the term Party is used loosely in this situation. Since it will just be mom wine drunk and us eating chips with multiple dips.
Being drunk isn't an excuse for eating all of the bacon asshole
dad says come back and get the lawn mower out of the pool before mom gets home
Randomize
