So just talked to them hahah i like that people sat there and watched as you two made out... They said they even had to refill their beers
I just had the fat girl at the party come tell me I look sad and offer me a beer. I'm out.
im not sure. I kicked him in the ear last night trying to kick a plastic cup off his head to prove I can kick higher than anyone.
Yeah. she rolled up to the party on a unicycle then peed in the bushes. TA of the year.
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Really, thanks for buying me caribou, it helped me out. Today will forever be the day I threw up in a caribou cup in the skyway outside of chipotle.
EVERYONE IS SPEAKING SPANISH. I ONLY KNOW HOLA.
Just successfully made home fries from potatoes we used as bowls while stoned as shit. I deserve a trophy.
Today marks the 365th consecutive day of jerkin it. I couldn't have done it without you guys. #onlynewyearsresolutionaccomplished
Drunk me obviously wants to fuck up my life
It's like I have an arch nemesis, and it's me
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just remember that I named his dick Robo-cock before he got into the sheriff's department.
This is a mass text to all my friends. Whoever gets this first, please find me and confiscate my phone immediately. I am far too high to have it. Even if you have to punch me in my face to get it. Otherwise, let the "High While Analyzing Disney Movies" texts begin.
I just did the walk of shame in monkey slippers in the snow
Teach me the song of your people
At this point all my Tinder matches are telling me I'll be fucking the whole male population of UMass '17.
No more house parties. We're almost fucking 30 years old and I slept until 6 pm.
What made you think singing Silent Night while I was puking was a good idea?!?!
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