I found a dealer that takes plastic. I'm so in trouble.
I think I'm going to die by hangover. I'm in my spanish class. So I guess I'm going to be muerte.
Just found out my brother beats off to Lauren Conrad. the Hills will never be the same.
I'm pregnant just thinking about him.
Honestly, your dog is in better hands with that homeless guy.
I prob couldn't even get his attention if I had a dick growing out of my forehead
Seriously, do normal people actually get work done being this hungover? No wonder the economy's in the shitter
The chick who threw the party was all pissed cause she thought I made out with her boyfriend. Admittedly, I did, but she was throwing up and crying at the time so she really can't be that mad.
A BJ like that needs to be recommended.
I'm watching sex and the city with my wine and Wendy's. I'm not sure if this is single woman empowerment or not.
You were so calm and collected as you strolled out the door with 40 mcdonalds cups in your arms. It was legendary.
Could have had sex with an ex NFL kicker last night.
That would've been embarrassing.
What should I say back?
Well, how do you want the conversation to go?
Straight into my pants.
I spent $31 at mcdonalds last night. Threw my nuggets all over the yard, ate them out of the snow, picked a fight about it, vomited, then passed out.
Naked.
Also, what day were you thinkin we should trip balls at the children's museum?
Randomize
