I am so gay it hurts my loins. Going to see She's Just Not That Into You... again. Ohhh my goodness.
my fingers and penis are no longer on speaking terms. My penis is too jealous of where my fingers get to go.
I forgot how hot balto sounded
Chick stood right next to me in the elevator. Like she had the whole elevator and she stood right next to me. So I farted.
If we could never, ever tell mike i pissed in his closet, that would be really really great
It would be one hovered percent delicioui
Dude just walked down the street literally wearing nothing but a small box around his waist carrying a case of beer. I want to live here for the rest of my life.
He answered his phone while he was eating me out and proceeded to yell at his wife for interrupting lunch...impressed or rock bottom?
It's 11am on 4/20 and I'm already in urgent care.
So coach him. No guy wants to admit being unsure of something in bed. It's a man-law or something.
The only people in the library at 5:00 on the friday after finals are homeless or pre-med.
WHY IS IT FROWNED UPON THE DRESS UP IN CAT COSTUMES AND SIT OUTSIDE OF BARS WITH A BOX OF WINE I THOUGHT THIS WAS AMERICA
Its not often you get to say, "The security guard at my job is my new drug dealer," but as of last night, I get to say it.
Do you think I could use my teacher of month Award to get free drinks?
His parents then knew me as the blackout who took care of him and stole his watch
Randomize
