I love you
are you drunk
yes but I def love you, we should get married
But I'm Jewish
embrace Jesus
we have to go try and show our tits so we can get ID-free drinks at applebees
nothing i could have done in life could have prepared me for walking in on her SHITTING on my rug.
Needless to say there is no second date for this girl.
yet...
she literally hasn't taken the mardi gras beads off in three days. she showered in them. TWICE.
Through drunken recall, I have managed to bring back awful memories of losing my virginity. And possibly traumatized my niece trying to get her to "learn from my mistakes".
You may have graduated college on time, but my 6th year ass gets to see awesome tits every day just for showing up.
What's standard gratutity for someone having a miscarriage on stage at a strip club? It's important.
Would it be bad if I bought her bread, meat, cheese, and stuff as her christmas present so she can make me a sandwich?
I have reached the point in my life where I realized this is what I'm going to do for the rest of my life. Eat, shit , bar, drink, drank, drunk.
Lube is flammable
Who is this??
People around me are just doing lines of cocaine. Like its no big deal. And I'm just here like.... Y'all want some cheezits?
I KNEW IT. I HAD A FEELING. THIS IS GODS CURSE. BREAK UP WITH A SEX GOD. GET ONE OF HIS PEASANTS.
She said to me, without hesitation, "make me an offer better than my sugar daddy and I'll go with you"
I mean I did fuck her boyfriend, the least I could do is post happy birthday on her Facebook wall.
lets face it, we have a liquor cabinet with a designated chocolate shelf
Randomize
