I'm smoking weed out of a trumpet
I just did a slip and slide down the hall way of my apartment building
Tie
I just wished the taco bell drive thru guy a happy cinco de mayo. Who says arizonians hate mexicans?
My vagina hasn't been this smooth since I was 8. I better get laid tonight.
its coolsest when we hear the beat in our water bottles. and the likghts are in his eyes now. oh holland
No, she isn't nearly as crazy as the girl who wanted to wear a vial of my semen as a necklace.
Just walked into the bathroom and looked straight ahead and made eye contact with a guy taking a shit through the crack in the stall door...
Don't make emojis simulating eating me out
My wife climbed on top of me, fucked my brains out, and gave me money from the ATM. I'm living the dream.
He thought you were kidding about me peeing on my ex...and then I was like "that was one time"
i have never been so sexually frustrated as I am right now. I feel like dying...is death an option?
You are one with the wind and sky, bro.
You were talking to yourself and eating cold cuts in the kitchen when I found you
Day two of not drinking, I think my cat is trying to eat me.
Psychosis secondary to sobriety???
I dont pretend to understand how the heterosexual mind works. Its a mysterious cavern of stupidity and disgusting sexual acts.
Hypothetically speaking of course, is it bad if a cat eats lube?
Randomize
