Once again you get dinner and all I get is semen on my leg
I've spent too much of my life staring at my bberry and counting to 5 to see if it blinks
don't let me wipe my vag with a dirty leaf outside of mcdonalds ever again.
Her roommate "grounded" her because she drunkenly tried to fill their fish tank with vodka
She's trying to put on her dog muzzle on her self
I just took two shots of Burnerts out of a ladle. Get here now.
They have a genuine stripper pole secured to the floor of their living room. I am thoroughly take advantage of it. I've made $5 so far. Why don't more places have poles??!
I just had a horrible epiphany. I have fucked girls younger than Star Tours
This text was so worth waking up to
The problem is that you are trying to hold on to some dignity. Let it go. I hope your rash gets better.
Condoms and Ice Cream, that's all we need.
Her ex was at the party her housemates were having. He knocked on her door asking how she was while we were going at it. Turns out they were trying to work things out. Don't think I'll ever forget his face when we walked out of her room.
"Because this is an ongoing legal matter" is how his morning after sex text began. So...
Left Las Vegas at 2:30 am, woke up at 11 AM at a Barstow gas station with the Valet from Ceaser' palace snoring in the backseat and no memory of how we got there. I felt like Raoul Fucjing Duke right then and there.
Guess who cheated on their SATs? Also on the same line guess who's getting in to Princeton at damn near free of charge?
It'd be good to change things up a bit, right now the only public service I'm doing from my apt is hanging out in my underwear with the lights on.
Randomize
