if i could have babies with my dog i totally would cause i know thay would be fucking hott babies.
you made me "pop lock and drop it" as a sobriety test last night..
you kept say ridiculous things then repeating them in perfect classical latin. You are onee intelligent drunk
Dear vodka that I hid in a water bottle in the backseat of Blairs car, I'm sorry that she gave you away to a man on side of the road with an over heated engine. I'm sure the car doesn't appreciate you as much as I would have.
She's an ex-convict. She actually got stabbed in the face with a pen while in prison. No big deal.
Not exactly sure why you felt the need to get the halloween decorations out. But waking up to 7 carved pumpkins really scares the shit out of you.
We talk about tequila and blow jobs the way that normal people talk about the news and the weather.
I keep having to have that awkward "I don't want to have sex with you" convo. I thought wearing sweatpants was suppose to prevent this situation..
You gave me balls I gave you half a boob. Fair trade
You just kept yelling and saying, "IM NOT GOING TO STOP YELLING UNTIL YOU TAKE THAT SHOT"
And the 'kicked out of Xmas party' trophy goes to me. 3rd nomination, first win.
I refuse to go to a doctor for a sex injury, not when I've come so far already
Got kicked out of the club and woke up at a frat house. Good night? Couldn't tell you. I got a date out of it I'm glad someone thinks my drinking problem is cute.
It's not christmas until we're acting sober in front of grandma
So, I'm roughly 90% sure that the guy next to me in the xray waiting room is watching porn on his phone right now
Randomize
