the ***** family is living proof that there are no more lifeguards in the humen gene pool
In the middle of blowin me she stoppped and told me how easy it would be to insert a catheter ..... Apparently she was a nursing major
She asked me why I was wearing a Batman Suit. Have I ever needed a reason to wear a Batman Suit?
I'm making a contract of things you're not allowed to put in my ass
she has a fucking refrigerator full of four loko and is charging 15 dollars a can.... she is like a mini donald trump
Is it a step in the wrong direction to ask my parents for a kegerator for graduation?
Also, new rule: You are no longer allowed to send me a text with the word "dildo" in it before 10am.
I am now being bribed with one orgasm per every meal I eat. This is the best anorexia therapy ever
Dear me: Drinking & crying tonight, my place, 9pm sharp. Love, your life
Life Lesson #1 of 2013: double-fisting shower beers and shaving my bikini line should be reserved for two different showers.
I believe I can fly has to be one of the most inspirational songs of our time. Seriously R. Kelly nailed it
Then he went and peed on those teenagers.
People shouldn't leave you two alone together. You're just going to end up having sex.
He's attempting to seduce me with thanksgiving-themed sexual metaphors... It's working.
the girl next to me was drawing sonic the hedgehog on her exam what the fuck
godspeed
On a scale from 1-10 how fucked up would it be to buy weed with my fafsa money?
It's a study aid
Randomize
