oh right, i forgot that not everyone has a go-to blowjob
he said my vag tasted like ravioli n pennies... i forgot I was on my period
She was so bad on top that i found myself watching a TV that wasn't even turned on
But guess what. I'm gonna roll over and go to sleep cuz there's no cuddling in phone sex.
We've got 2 weeks of college left-I want to feel like Gary Busey by graduation.
My booty call got married. Come over before I start tagging all the places my dick has been in her wedding photos.
Last night he tried to put me in their garbage can and then sprayed me with a fire extinguisher in their kitchen...that house is always interesting
I don't care what anyone says I want strippers at my funeral.
He wants a "vagina fling" before he commits to dick for life. I'm gonna allow it.
she shotgunned a can of v8, threw the can on the ground and said, "fuck bitches get money" then passed out on the spot
The only flat surface we had was a cheez it box so we snorted the blow off of that. Rock bottom really isn't that bad.
I just watched some kid bang his girlfriend and I was like whatever I'll just sit here and do all your fucking drugs that's fine
are you watching the world series?
I've made out with alex bregman... so yes
Last night you broke a mirror, and then rolled around in the glass shards. Miraculously, there's not a scratch on you...
You fell while talking to a cop, then proceeded to acuse him of tripping you... he was arresting you for public intox.
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