I want him to get the hint. I sent 4 texts that only said "sex."
nothing like Chinese food and masturbating on a Saturday night
He tried peeing out of the sunroof.
dude. you ripped the mardi gras beads off the girls neck and yelled she didnt deserve them..
They wouldn't let me hang out the sun roof and sing apple bottom jeans in the drive thru of hardee's i think i no longer like these ppl
Got in a bar fight defending Prince. Thought you ought to know. He gets his dick sucked cooking eggs for breakfast.
Hey.. Here's a thought for the evening. There's only two more sleeps until I fuck you so hard my back teeth will convulse.. Here's too Tuesday! Woohooooo
You kept trying to use my cat as a napkin.
A drunk hobo just gave me a fist bump. Because I know what a womb is.
I have a kicked-out-of-multiple-bars level hangover today
IT IS CHRISTMAS EVE AND I AM SUPPOSED TO BE HAVING SEX WITH AN ATTRACTIVE BLACK MAN IN THE NEXT FEW DAYS AND I JUST GOT MY PERIOD. WHEN PEOPLE ASK ME WHY I DON'T BELIEVE IN GOD I WILL TELL THEM OF THIS DAY.
I know. In fairness he did tell me to throw up out his window onto his roof so I don't think he's pissed at me but I'm still mortified by the whole situation.
Going through his web history. 10 hours ago he searched "how to put on condom with your teeth" I think I'm getting it tonight.
Apparently I repeatedly thanked the paramedic for saving the "happy new year" beads i was wearing. that bad.
Bud light made chelada as a breakfast for those of us with class at 8 am
Randomize
