Ended up passed out drunk in the neighbors lawn, still in costume. Neighbors thought I was a lawn decoration. Ten points for best Halloween ever.
That's a really weird place to spoon. Especially if there are more accessible places to spoon. Like a bathtub.
Oh my god my life; so much cake and so little sex
yeah, its right past the deli mart where i showed my right tit for mozzarella sticks.
AND OMG I HOPE YOU ARE GREAT WITH CHILD. COOK THAT BUN!
I did nothing besides stay sober all night, I walked home to find max naked knocking cups off the counter with his cock lol
Just got complimented on my chugging... Car bombs show how good I am at swallowing, they should be my new pickup line.
Every pair of shorts I try on makes me look like some kind of powerful lesbian wizard.
That is like, the point of shorts
We can do this. We've been drunk at a gay bar, we will not be taken down by a Tuesday.
We should give each other good-luck-on-your-finals head in the morning.
He visits one Denver strip club and now hes moving there
It was awk he was sittin on a plastic backyard chair in his underwear and high white socks in the dark watching the nuggets game
Idk I'm sorry it's weird to ask for testimonials on your penis
I AM BEING ACCOSTED BY A HUMMING BIRD
I AM IN MILD DISTRESS
Currently tripping balls and watching Pink Floyd the wall and I'm crying during it. If this isn't a self realization then I don't know what to tell you.
Randomize
