I have big tits. Rules don't apply to me.
There were so few words spoken that I'm not sure if it was make-up or break-up sex.
I broke my arm trying to do a hand stand in my shower to wash the hate out of my asshole.
Some kid just popped open a giant PBR and walked into his final...
Put some vodka in it
Its 7am
put some vodka in it
I woke up in a tutu and topless. How was your night?
Seriously, I look like I crawled out of a bog. Succeeding at being as undateable as possible.
My cousin is passed out in my room, so I just masturbated in my walk-in closet. Apparently I get off on danger. Make note of that.
I stopped hooking up with him and ran to the bathroom to throw up. He saw me throwing up and it made him throw up
The next time we go out, we're bringing a jar so that people can contribute to the rest of what I need to come up with for my breast implants... We'll show them yours for inspiration and persuasion.
...I watched him run on the beach yesterday and I think I started ovulating
On the flip side, we did almost have sex wearing a gorilla mask and deer antlers.............
Like if Ohio doesn't think I can get smashed on wine I will gladly prove them wrong
You have the perkiest tits in all of North America. You're fine.
I just had a man tell me he was going to think about me when he was fucking his wife tonight. This is my proudest moment as a gay.
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